She’s been everybody else’s girl, Maybe one day she’ll be her own

That day has finally come. I’m tired of trying to be who everybody else wants/ expects. It’s time to be my own girl. I’m 24 years old. I’m in the process of recovering from an eating disorder, as well as being a recovering self-injurer.

I’ll admit my recovery from self-injury is going a lot better than my recovery from the eating disorder. But I’ll beat this eating disorder one day. I just have to remind myself that a slip up one day doesn’t have to turn into a full relapse that will last weeks or months. It’ll be hard, but I have to get better this time. But this time I’m not trying to get better for my friends, not for my family, not for a significant other. This time I’m doing it for me. This time I actually feel like I have too much to lose if I keep letting it win.

Do I believe that saying all this is going to make getting better any easier? No. In fact, I can see years of battling and slip ups in my future. But the key is I see myself fighting to win. To win for my own well being. That is the main thing. I WANT to get better. I’m READY to get better. I’m ready to fight everyday if I have to for as long as it takes to get better. If there’s a day where I lose, I’ll just know I have to fight even harder the next day.

This is for me. This is me wanting to be my own person. Not the girl that tries to please everyone else. Not the girl who worries about being who others expects her to be. I want to be the woman who does what’s best for herself, that remains true to herself no matter what it costs.

Lyrics as Entry Titles

Music is a big part of my life. It has been for many years. It has literally saved my life more times than I can count. There are frequently lines in songs that just make me think “I relate to that”. Due to that, I will frequently use lyrics as entry titles, especially if I feel they go well with that particular entry in that the entry is almost inspired by the lyrics. Other times, it might just be lyrics that I happen to like that and they won’t have anything at all to do with the entry.

New Year, New Me

It's a new year which means a new start. For the majority of my life, I've been all about making everyone else happy, being the person that other people want/expect me to be. I'm done with that. All that that did was make me miserable and has taken a toll on my health.  This year is about making myself happy and healthy. If people have a problem with it, then I don't need them in my life.

I've done a lot of thinking in the last few weeks of 2010 and came to a few realizations. The main one being I could not keep living the way that I had been for so long. This blog is going to track my progress in getting to where I want/need to be mentally, emotionally, and physically.

For the most part, names will be changed, but I will be consistent when it comes to people who are/will be mentioned on at least a semi-regular basis.

I have a few other things that I wanted to include in this post, unfortunately, I'm having a difficult time figuring out the wording for what I want to say. I'll post more later.