That day has finally come. I’m tired of trying to be who everybody else wants/ expects. It’s time to be my own girl. I’m 24 years old. I’m in the process of recovering from an eating disorder, as well as being a recovering self-injurer.
I’ll admit my recovery from self-injury is going a lot better than my recovery from the eating disorder. But I’ll beat this eating disorder one day. I just have to remind myself that a slip up one day doesn’t have to turn into a full relapse that will last weeks or months. It’ll be hard, but I have to get better this time. But this time I’m not trying to get better for my friends, not for my family, not for a significant other. This time I’m doing it for me. This time I actually feel like I have too much to lose if I keep letting it win.
Do I believe that saying all this is going to make getting better any easier? No. In fact, I can see years of battling and slip ups in my future. But the key is I see myself fighting to win. To win for my own well being. That is the main thing. I WANT to get better. I’m READY to get better. I’m ready to fight everyday if I have to for as long as it takes to get better. If there’s a day where I lose, I’ll just know I have to fight even harder the next day.
This is for me. This is me wanting to be my own person. Not the girl that tries to please everyone else. Not the girl who worries about being who others expects her to be. I want to be the woman who does what’s best for herself, that remains true to herself no matter what it costs.
No comments:
Post a Comment